Leadership Torque: See-Sawing with 500 Pound Gorillas

Leadership Torque: Making Choices and See-Sawing with 500 Pound Gorillas

Ever tried to see-saw with a 500 pound gorilla? It's just not a well-balanced situation, is it? But imagine what happens if the gorilla sits closer and closer to the center of the seesaw. At some point your weight, sticking way out on one end, will balance out the weight of the much heavier gorilla that's sitting near the pivot point. And the seesaw will level out. Whether you're aware of it or not, you and the gorilla have discovered torque. The Montshire Minute, The Montshire Museum

I am in no way a torque expert, but it seems to me that, in the Montshire Museum’s attempt to make the term ‘torque’ more understandable, they talk about the concept in a way that is helpful in understanding the dynamics of many relationships, personal and organizational.

For most of us, there is usually someone or something that feels like that 500-pound gorilla:

Its presence seems to, at the very least, throw us a little off balance or, at the very worst, leave us teetering precariously from the sheer weight of being a presence on our see-saw.

500-pound gorillas can seriously interfere with torque, adding stress to and interfering with any system.

I recently had a coaching session with a client which beautifully captures the essence of trying to make the choices which allow us to torque the best of our leadership with the metaphoric 500 pound gorillas in our workplace.

The coaching began with an in-depth exploration of the type of leader my client wants to be. Calm, confident and productive were the words she came up with. She knows that those words totally capture her ‘real’ self and that she is able to be that person. Well, … most of the time. There is, in fact, one person in her workplace who can disrupt the torque of my client’s good intentions. Other people might be rude or demanding; my client maintains her composure. However, with this one particular staff member, my client routinely finds herself becoming defensive, impatient, and angry.

She doesn’t want to.

She tries not to.

But … the presence of the 500-pound gorilla throws everything out of balance for her.

Isn’t that where the rubber hits the road? The vision of who we want to be is ideal and, possibly idyllic. The forces of life and work are perfectly balanced, we are walking the high road, and then … whammo, the 500-pound gorilla shows up.

Not to make excuses for the gorilla, but gorillas do what gorillas do. I worked with this client, as I do with a large percentage of my clients, about how to maintain her focus so that she:

- Is able to remain the calm, confident and productive leader that she wants to be.

- Understands the dynamics of the situation so that she doesn’t take it personally.

- Is able to move beyond the façade of control to having respectful dialogues in which she does not sacrifice her own dignity and power to someone else.

- Is able to recover torque based on the choices she is in charge of so that she is not in any way be perceived as a ‘bully.’

- Can discuss performance issues from that place of torque, which is the place of choice.

As another client reported, “I realize that I am always at choice, particularly with my thinking. Recognizing the choices that I have allows me to approach daily activities with more forethought rather than with a lack of focus.” And I would add: so as not to be at the mercy of people who show up as gorillas, at least in our minds.

Our choices impact:

1. Balance. Everything is on a continuum. Balance is one of those things … on a continuum of choices. On the seesaw of life, every choice we make either keeps us closer to that place of balance or takes us away from it.

2. Relationships. “We get to choose who we hang out with.” How often ha1` surprise, however, is the recognition of a basic truth: we either feed relationships or starve them based on the amount of time and energy we choose to give them.

In the workplace, we may seem to have little choice about who we work with; however, we do have choice around how we deal with the situations and the people, whether our boss, our staff, or our peers.

3. Sense of happiness. Abraham Lincoln is credited with saying, “People are just as happy as they make up their minds to be.” It sounds simple and simplistic, but I find it to be true: Some people are happy no matter what and, sadly, many people are unhappy no matter what. While external events can bring pleasure and satisfaction, happiness ultimately comes from an internal choice, not an external event.

4. Taking the high road or walking the low road. We choose whether or not we operate from the high road. It is not always an easy choice. In fact, it is often difficult, largely because of conflict of values. For example:

Do you honour the value that you do not talk negatively about a colleague or honour the value that you want to support the team?

Do you honour the value that you want to help others when to do so would impede your own professional success?

Do you honour the value that you always tell the truth or honour the value to not intentionally hurt someone?

What’s the high road in those situations?

You get to choose.