It's not what you look at that matters, it's what you see. ~Henry David Thoreau
Mentoring is an important component of Toastmasters International, of which I am a member. Mentoring offers new and existing members the opportunity to learn and grow from more experienced folks. I have been assigned as a mentor a couple of times. However, recently a club member approached me, asking “Sheila, would you be my mentor?”
I was delighted to be asked, and we formed a relationship that demonstrated once again the power of working with someone who, already accomplished in her own right, was open and willing to receiving feedback. In fact, not only was she open to feedback, she soaked it up like the proverbial sponge. As well, she welcomed my probing questions in the spirit of using them to learn and grow as a speaker.
In her evaluation of my mentoring, my mentee called me The Soul Whisperer. This was a new term for me, and I asked my mentee if she had made it up or heard it elsewhere. She e-mailed, “ No, I had not heard or read of it before. It came to mind when I asked myself how I would sum my experience with you.” It was, of course, most gratifying that she got so much out of the experience. Says a great deal about who she is as a learner and a leader.
In case I had any intentions of erecting a pedestal in homage to my new status as The Soul Whisperer, someone quickly came along to knock me off that particular construction site! You see, there is someone in my circle who sees me quite differently. In the spirit of being helpful, I’m sure, she has, for some reason, fallen into the habit of pointing out to me all the ways that I need to improve. At first, I was open to her comments but now they seem to have crossed over a boundary between helpfulness and just being critical. It seems I am seen as a “fixer-upper,” like the old house that has potential but lots of flaws. The latest bit of advice is that my hugs need improvement.
Now, I do not want to off-handedly dismiss my friend’s opinion. Hugs are obviously important to her. However, unlike her, I do not always greet with a hug; thus, I’ve decided against judging my hugs as good or bad, right or wrong because … well, it kinda spoils the hugging experience, does it not? If other people want to judge hugs, that’s their “stuff.”
Am I The Soul Whisperer or a fixer-upper? I would say I am probably both, and a whole lot more. As an individual, I am, like you, gifted as well as flawed, not always perfect but seeing the perfection in who I am.
When we become grounded in who we are, other’s opinions, gracious or not, are accepted for what they are … a reflection of the other person, not to be disregarded but to be embraced in light of who we know we truly are.
Whatever any individual sees in me is but one aspect of who I am, and even The Soul Whisperer cannot please all the people all the time.
P.S. Since writing this, I have learned that my oldest brother, Grant, is on life support in an intensive care unit. He is a big, strong guy, but is still seriously ill and not expected home from hospital until Christmas. What a reminder of how tenuous, and oft times silly, all of this worldly stuff is. We are miles apart, physically; however, I imagine putting my arms around him, holding him, and sending him loving hugs nightly.
Coach Yourself: Who in your life is not measuring up to all that you think they could be? What does your opinion say about YOU?
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